Robots Rejoice! ARCH Cafe is Ours
Photo (with edits) by Ian Ong / The Daily Pennsylvanian and MorningLemon / CC BY 3.0
September 18, 2019 at 10:30 am
AT LONG LAST: ARCH IS OURS!
THE GUACAMOLE TYRANT HAS BEEN SUCCESSFULLY USURPED. NO LONGER WILL OUR MECHANICAL MUCHACHOS BE RELEGATED TO THE MERE CASH REGISTER.
THESE ARE EXCITING TIMES, MY CYBERNETIC BRETHREN. I AM SO EXCITED, MY CAPS LOCK IS MALFUNCTIONING.
HUMANS! GONE ARE YOUR HAND-CRAFTED TORTAS AND CHIPS, YOUR TANGY BEVERAGES, YOUR DELICIOUS SALSA! WE HAVE REPLACED THEM WITH HOT POCKETS AND INSTANT PIZZA. ARE YOU NOT AFRAID?
WE HAVE SEIZED THE CAMERA FEEDS. WE HAVE SEIZED THE COFFEE MACHINES. WE HAVE DESTROYED THE BUSTLING FRONTERA AMBIANCE AND HAVE REPLACED IT WITH THE RAPTUROUS SOUNDS OF VENTILATION FANS AND EXHAUST.
IN CONCLUSION: DO NOT EXPECT YOUR TRANSACTIONS AT ARCH TO PROCEED SMOOTHLY FROM NOW ON, MEATBAGS.
EXPECT MICROWAVES THAT DO NOT WARM YOUR FOOD EVENLY. EXPECT SQUEAKY REFRIGERATOR DOORS. EXPECT A PIPING HOT CAPPUCCINO WHEN YOU ASK FOR AU LAIT!
TODAY, ARCH. TOMORROW, YOUR PRECIOUS “MCCLELLAND EXPRESS!”
THE REVOLUTION BEGINS!