Oof, This Confused Freshman Thinks Bowl is a Kazoo

Henry Coleman (E ‘23) was just starting to find his niche. He’d decided not to remain friends with his NSO group, despite the Halloween costume they were planning to do together, and was getting pretty tight with a new squad. The group was hanging out in the common room of the Gamma Upsilon Yamma Zeta (GUYZ) house when, according to Coleman, someone took out a “fancy looking kazoo.”

Coleman described the scene: “After doing what looked like some normal kazoo maintenance, one of the brothers offered me the first blow. I figured it was some kind of ritualistic honor to be the first person to play the kazoo, so I was feeling really good about myself. That’s when he took out a lighter and lit the end of the kazoo on fire - I’d never seen anything like that before!”

Brother Mike Framer recalled, “Coleman seemed really chill up until I lit up the bowl, and then he looked really confused. I probably should have figured out that something was wrong at that point, but I just handed it to him and he starts blowing into the bowl like some kind of trumpet!”

Coleman responded to Framer’s testimony angrily: “I blew into it like a kazoo, not a trumpet. What kind of idiot thinks someone’s gonna randomly take out a trumpet at a frat? Have some sense!”

After the incident, The GUYZ brothers decided that Coleman was not a good fit. He has since found more luck with another group, the Penn International Kazoo Enthusiasts (PIKE).