Penn Females Boycott Parties, Shutting down Ratios and Party Culture

For the past few weeks, Penn’s female students have gone on party strike and boycotted all parties, on and off-campus. 

Non-female party-goers have consistently found themselves in awkward parties without any females. Disappointed by lacking prospects, some male partiers were seen groping only their drinks at parties. 

Meanwhile, groups in search of parties were unable to even enter the testoster-parties at all, since their “ratios” consisted entirely of males. Some groups have even gone as far as to hire any female willing to improve the group’s ratio.

“I just need a woman to come with me to a party so I can get in,” said Engineering freshman Lars Arshul. “I genuinely enjoy a woman's company, and I’m totally not using her as a tool for my own pleasure or anything.”

But because no females have been showing up to parties, Penn’s campus party culture was brought to a grinding halt, as males lost interest in parties. 

College junior Vahrry Strate asks, “What’s the point of going to parties now? Socialize and make friends with other guys?”

It is not known when or if females will return to the party scene.