How to Adapt Your Five-Year Plan for the Imminent Climate Crisis

We’ve all been there: the interviewer asks you, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” But what’s a girl to do when the planet is in imminent danger due to climate change and pollution? Make sure to let the interviewer know that why you’re a strong candidate in the likely event of ecological disaster and the collapse of society as we know it. This might sound difficult, but don’t fret—here are three nifty answers to that tricky question.

1. “In five years, I see myself in an underground bunker, hiding from the inevitable warfare that will break out among different factions fighting for limited resources of food and water. In that bunker, I will utilize my adeptness at multitasking by monitoring the violence outside while also mastering the art of preparing gourmet freeze-dried dishes.”
2. “Definitely underwater. Given that the polar ice caps are melting and the oceans are rising at an alarming rate, all coastal cities are in danger of major flooding. As a quick learner who understands how to adapt to new and uncomfortable situations, I am confident that I will be widely considered to be the Michael Phelps of apocalyptic times.”
3. “I will certainly be dead. And that’s because I’m a team player.”