Dean Furda Skims Google Form Responses During Class-of-2024 Delibs

This weekend, during the monthly Admissions Office GBM, ardent Eagles fan and Penn Dean of Admissions Eric Furda supposedly led the search for Penn's best and brightest new students. However, sources on the inside report that "nobody really reads the applications since we switched from the Common App to a Google Survey link, including Furda. He came in 40 minutes late with a Coke Zero and then requested permission to view the doc via email, so we know for a fact he hadn't opened it."

Furda initiated this transition to Google Survey because, as phrased in an August statement by Penn Admissions, "The old applications were dummy long, plus they didn't really tell us anything about the applicants' vibes. We're trying to assemble a class that meshes well with the existing group, but how are are we supposed to do that when we can't ask questions like 'What's your favorite drunk food and why?' or 'Write one sketch you would like to see us perform in the Fall Show'"?

So far, every 2024 applicant who applied after September 28th has been rejected. Admissions experts from Fiske, Niche, and Khan Academy have speculated that once the delibs committee got to the September 29th applications, members were all ready to break for dinner or "just fucking done with this" due to internal conflict.