Jaded Sophomore Distances Himself from 'Freshman Experience' Only Five Months After His Ended

College Sophomore Warren Brown returned to Penn this semester with a couple crazy black-out experiences, questionable sexual health practices, and a cynical outlook on life. Oh, you enjoyed Penn? He couldn’t relate. 

Despite coming from a privileged background which allowed him to attend an Ivy League university, it seems that all Brown can offer in conversation is a mind-numbingly long list of complaints about his freshman year at Penn.

“Everyone I met was so inauthentic, fake and focused on individual success," Brown said. "I never really fit in with the vibe on campus. It’s impossible to imagine me going through freshman year again; I feel so removed from that time of my life."

“Yeah, I guess it was only five months ago," he continued. "But I this place has really changed me, you know. I think I’ve found my interests, my niche, and not letting some pre-professional culture dehumanize me. Freshman year was just soooo different.”

Brown is reportedly interested in majoring in Econ and thinks that “finance would be a really good fit" for him.