No Roommate Agreement Necessary: This Suite Lives and Dies by the Mayflower Compact

At first glance, college sophomores Ramona Schmidt, Patricia Zhang, Mary Marshall, and Stella McGriff may seem like your average, run-of-the-mill roomies — except for the fact that they have dedicated their lives to fulfilling the guidelines set out in the Mayflower Compact.

“It’s been a long journey, my sisters, but we have finally found an ideal place to settle,” Schmidt said, surveying a dusty quad in Rodin. “This is our Plymouth.”

The four-hundred-year-old historic document, written by Pastor William Brewster to establish a system of self-governance for the English settlers in the New World, has replaced a traditional roommate agreement for the budding scholars.

“The first time we met, I could tell that we were one mistep away from going all ‘Lord of the Flies’ on each other,” Zhang explained. “That’s why we need the Mayflower Compact to guide us, just like it did for those starving separatists fleeing the Church of England.”

Everyday, the four suite-mates work hard to preserve their newfound city on a hill, following in the footsteps of the great Puritans who came before them.

“If we want this little colony of ours to be a success, there can be no risk of mutiny,” said Jones, addressing her haggard peers. “That means washing your damn dishes, Mary.”

While the girls admit that some of the clauses in the original document are a bit dated, they have done their best to follow a modern interpretation of the compact.

“Well, technically we are still loyal to King James,” McGriff remarked before returning to her candle-lit desk to write hot-blooded poems about marriage and motherhood into the wee hours of the morning.