Pro-Choice Move: Penn Is Freezing My Eggs with Sub-Zero Classrooms

Alack! Penn is looking out for my career goals AND life goals! By keeping classrooms the temperature of meat lockers, Penn preserves my reproductive potential for years beyond my natural timeframe. The new health service, a result of an ongoing collaboration between Student Health and Career Services, has left me feeling immeasurably relieved. It has offered me solace and peace and has allowed me to get through my Econ seminar without worrying once about whether I’ll have old eggs when I’m at the peak of my professional trajectory. 

SHS recently implemented a new egg preservation scheme dropping temperatures in classrooms across campus to as low as -18.7°C. Executive Director of Penn Student Health Giang Nguyen commented: “after extensive research, we’ve identified the most optimal spaces on campus to implement this new healthcare scheme.” The SHS report designates appropriate temperatures for the most promising students on campus. The Wharton computer labs, for example, have tripled in negative rates in order to preserve the eggs of extra ambitious females. Adams Fine Arts Hall, on the other hand, remains at a soft 3.2°C. 

Wharton sophomore Jenny Lorraine (C ’22) said that freezing students' eggs on campus has been long overdue: “the constant mental battle between fertility and breadwinning is unrelenting here,” she says, “and I’m glad the school is taking necessary steps to support me and the rest of the female student body.”