Penn Enacts Policy Replacing Midterms With Vibe Checks

Hell yeah, guys. After years of lobbying the school for positive and effective change, we finally have made some progress. In a statement earlier this week, boomer Amy Gutmann proclaimed that the school will be replacing all midterms with straight-up vibe checks this year.

In an attempt to be more relatable to the college-aged demographic, Amy Gutmann made a Twitter account, FossilFuelLover333. She has vigorously studied online trends and popular culture in order to produce a policy that she stated “will finally get these kids off my back." 

The change has been effective and swift. Rimmer gave out A’s to his entire Math 114 class because he "felt like he could chill out and rip bong with them." Instead of an econ midterm, Anne Duchene slapped each of her students across the face and gave them passing grades. Janet Monge, on the other hand, failed a student this week because she was “totally a bitch." 

Some students believe that the new policy is unfair to students who have studied dutifully. In response, Amy Gutmann called these students “lame-ass narcs” and then did a gnarly kickflip and skated back into her office.