Wharton Kid Reassures Local Stabbing Victim That the Market Will Take Care of It

“I mean,” said Angela Han (Wharton '23) according to a an anonymous report, “stop asking for handouts from the government.”

According to eyewitnesses, the brave student was approached by a young man Thursday afternoon with shaking hands, clutching at his blood-soaked top. Eating some of the McNuggets she had bought only seconds before, Ms. Han had watched as crimson seeped from between his fingers and listened as the man cried that he’d been stabbed in the abdomen by a thief. His backpack, said to have carried most of his life savings in cash, was stolen as well.

As the man begged for her to call the police, bystanders were shocked when Han said he shouldn’t be demanding help from anyone because the market would take care of it, as it does all things. Following her heroic lead, the public walked around him and ignored the man as he fell to the floor, begging for someone to call 911. 

While some have criticized Han for alleged bluntness, there’s been general approval of her response. One critique, however, has been proposed by a fellow Wharton freshman, who asked to remain anonymous: “The least she could have done is led him to the hospital. Do you know how much the medical industry makes off of stabbing victims? Talk about a profit loss.”