Wacky! This Junior Wore an Alumni Scarf During Homecoming

You thought you were quirky? Get a load of this guy — Jack Danzinger (W '21)! If you’ve never heard of him before, well that’s fine because he was kind of lame anyway. But, rumor has it he was spotted wearing the alumni scarf during homecoming, stolen directly from the grips of an old musty white man with just a few more racist anecdotes from his time at Penn than anyone feels comfortable hearing. 

That’s right, Denzinger rolled up to the lit-est mid-tier frat darties rocking the red and blue, showcasing an abundance of school pride and a cheeky little smirk. He knew what he was doing. You thought you had a sense of humor? Get a grip! He hasn’t even graduated yet and he’s wearing an *alumni* scarf. Even professional comedians can’t come up with this kind of stuff. 

Following that Saturday's festivities, comedy groups and satire publications across campus have been beating at Denzinger’s door, asking for just a mere drop from the well of comedic talent he has been imbued with by God. Maybe, one day, us mere mortals with what is quite frankly a degenerate sense of humor can rise to his comic stature. Don’t hold your breath though.