Amy Gutmann to Rename Herself Following $250 Million Donation

President Amy Gutmann announced Monday that she will be renaming herself following a 250 million dollar donation to the school.  

"Penn's prestigious medical, design, and law schools have already been renamed, so I guess it's my turn now," said President Gutmann. "My new name is an enormous honor, and it completely captures Penn's mission as a prestigious research university."

The donation was made by a wealthy British author who wishes to remain anonymous. In a letter to Under the Button, she expressed her excitement at the prospect of all the good her money will do in the hands of President Gutmann. 

Said the donor, "I heard this school has just been letting people rename whatever they want lately, so I decided to pitch in some cash. I am so excited to see what President Albus Bellatrix Severus Moody Malfoy will do with all this money, and I am so proud to be supporting such an incredible institution."

Using her money, President Gutmann has already laid out plans to renovate her mansion at Penn. She has also expressed interest in purchasing the entire city of Philadelphia, free of tax, because she is a philanthropist.