Cackling Professor Uses 'Bomb Countdown Online' to Time Midterm

Power trip much? Last week’s MATH 114 midterm went horribly awry after Professor Matlock decided to air one of his cruel jokes in real-time. As his beleaguered students took their seats, the comedic genius himself opened up a browser window and, holding back snickers, projected a bomb countdown onto the big screen.

Whispers of “he can’t be serious!” and “is he for real?” filled the auditorium. But alas, the exam began nevertheless. Time remaining: one hour, 30 minutes.

“Take a midterm, you say?” Matlock cackled as the animated bomb ticked ever closer to detonation. “No, my students, I expect you to die!”

The prank did not go over as well as Matlock had hoped. Some students were distracted by the flashing clock on the front of the explosive, while others did not take kindly to the audible hissing noise the fuse made as it inched toward the deadly payload. For Wilson Finn (E ‘23), it was a combination of both.

“It’s kind of hard to apply Stokes’ Theorem when a piece of Wile E. Coyote’s arsenal is smoking and sputtering in front of your very eyes, you know?” Finn explained sheepishly.

While Matlock’s jape may have been a swing and a miss, one thing that remains undisputed is his unapologetic commitment to the craft.

“I’ve got plenty of tricks up my sleeves,” said the old professor, notioning to the unopened cans of Liquid Ass stacked behind his desk. “You guys haven’t seen nothing yet.”