OP-ED: You May Have a Cartier Bracelet and a Job Lined up at Goldman, but I Have Syphilis, so Who’s Laughing Now?

You know who you are. You’ve got that Cartier bracelet, a job ready to go at Goldman, you wear suits to class, and you think you’re ready to take on the world, don’t you? 

Poor baby, you don’t know anything about reality. You probably don’t even have lesions on your genitals. How are you going to work at a big, bad company like Goldman without a disfiguring STI? It’s a scary world out there, and without necrotic chancres, no one is going to believe you’re capable of playing with the big boys. 

If you don’t have the ailment of a Victorian prostitute stretched out on a fainting couch, I don’t want anything to do with you. Get some Condyloma Lata in your armpits, and then we’ll talk.