Decoding Drunk Text Now Fulfills Language Requirement

Penn's Foreign Language Department shocked the school with the announcement that decoding drunk texts now fulfills the language requirement for the College. The move comes after a push for the College to teach more practical skills. 

“To be frank, we had to ask ourselves ‘what class would be more useful to Penn Students: Romanian or decoding drunk texts? We think Decoding Drunk Texts, or DDT as we like to call it, teaches students how to understand one another at our most vulnerable,” said one spokesperson for the department. 

Other classes that have been added include “High Cooking” and Wharton’s new “Finance on Coke.” Both of which are being offered next semester. 

“I’m just really glad that our school is finally adding classes that are practical. I love the liberal arts aspect of Penn, but sometimes knowing how to evaluate stocks on cocaine is what you really need to learn,” said one Wharton student. 

“My mom only speaks in drunk texts, so this new DDT class is really exciting for me,” another student said. “I only spoke it a little back at home, so I never really never learned. But now I’ll be able to understand her and that side of my family in a way I’ve never really could.”