Report: Jenny Is Really About to Try to Jump over That Wall

After a long day of day-drinking and making other questionable decisions that might affect her future employment prospects, Jenny Buchmann (W '22) is just trying to “fuck shit up” with her “girl gang,” and, if that means jumping the wall to get into some random frat’s backyard then, by God, Jenny’s gonna jump over that wall. 

People on the scene reportedly heard Jenny howl “Who’s going to fucking stop me, bitches” before she began to claw her way up the wall. However, her friends and the brothers of Sigma Phi “White Claw Wednesdays Are It” Epsilon Zeta did not share her enthusiasm for this venture. Her friends could be seen congregated underneath her as she attempted to scale the wall, mouthing “what the fuck” and shooting her dirty looks. 

The brothers watched her awkwardly try to grip the other side and pull herself over with a mixture of confusion, amusement, and horniness. They did not, however, offer her any help in her endeavor. 

Reporters on the scene were unable to see if Jenny was able to successfully stick the landing into the backyard. Jenny explained why later, stating that they were “too fucking lame” to actually enter the function.