Ok Boomer: Guy Turns 22

Generational tensions on campus have never been higher than they are this week, as local Boomer and Engineering senior Jack Murphy turns 22. 

“I just can’t believe he’d do this to us,” said Murphy’s girlfriend Mary Wang (E ’20). “I thought he was one of whatever our generation is, but there he goes, turning 22 like a fucking Boomer.” Others expressed similar disbelief that Murphy would do something so Boomeresque, citing the Engineering senior as “generally a pretty cool, young guy.”

Since the aforementioned birthday, Murphy has begun loudly offering his opinion on matters that no one asked for his opinion on, including climate change, affirmative action, and how people are “so sensitive these days.” Due to editorial standards, this article will not go into Murphy’s exact opinions, but let’s just say they’re fucking garbage.

Murphy’s close friend Thomas Levy (W ’21) expressed that he couldn’t believe what a quick turnaround it was. “I mean,” said Levy, “Jack’s not a Boomer. Sure, he only listens to music from the ’60s, and yeah, he dresses just like my grandfather, but… holy shit. How did we miss this?”