Penn Panhellenic Reveals That Dining Hall Food Has Been Hazing This Whole Time

In an announcement that shocked at least two people, Penn Panhellenic revealed the results of an in-depth investigation into Penn’s dining hall food. The investigation, which was conducted over several months and involved multiple undercover projects, found that the dining hall food at Penn has in fact been hazing. Students forced to pay for expensive dining plans with poor food options and remarkably limited hours have been subjected to this hazing for many years without anyone considering the possibility that it’s been a hazing conspiracy this entire time.

“Honestly it makes a lot of sense,” said Mason Henderson (C ‘22). “It’s kind of absurd that no one’s figured this out before. I mean, there’s literally no dining hall open past 7:30 on Saturdays – we probably should’ve realized that couldn’t be a legit policy.”

The administration has yet to respond to the results of the study, but the implications were pretty decisive. Penn’s strict anti-hazing rules require that any behavior classified as hazing must be stopped immediately, and there will likely be consequences and/or fines for the indiscretion.