Penn Protestors Now Charging For Photographs

Following the posting of a now-viral TikTok video depicting worldwide sweetheart Pamela De La Cruz dancing to obnoxiously loud reggaeton music before a sign that read “Be A Ho No Mo,” the ‘Penn Protesters’ have released a statement of disapproval. “It’s unfair,” said the one who wears the shirt with only 2 slurs on it. “We’re the ones who stand out in the cold all day. We make these signs and practice our preaching, and we’re not even getting a portion of the ad revenue you guys are making?”

The statement went on to describe the conditions of their continued presence on Locust Walk: “We will be charging 3 dollars per photo and the same for TikToks under 2 minutes long. We will follow up with more information on longer TikToks and feature-length films. Please reach our media department if you have any concerns.”

“I understand why they’re doing this,” said Amy Solano, a junior in the College of Art & Sciences. “But I heard they also said we have to delete our photos of them? No way. That’s my Facebook profile picture.” Upon being reassured that she didn’t have to delete the photos, she replied: “But my TikToks!”

Penn Police have taken it upon themselves to enforce the requests of the protestors quite forcefully. Three students have reportedly been injured, and one has been expelled to Drexel after both his arms were broken severely. Asked for a statement, Penn Police officer Mr. Whitesupre Macist said: “Look it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m also an evangelist. I just care a lot about copyright.” As Daily Pennsylvanian reporters tried to ask for further detail, Mr. Macist reportedly said: “Okay now go away. Cut the cameras. Deadass.”