Penn Student Spat on by Coffee Shop Employees past 44th Street

Increasingly fed up with the entitled student body at the University of Pennsylvania, the coffee shop workers by day and political radicals by night native to the West Philly area have taken to retaliatory action. Laurel Brodsky (W '21) was making her way over to Milk and Honey to study for her accounting midterm when she was abruptly assailed by a bunch of alt-looking white dudes wearing rolled up beanies and smoking hand-rolled cigarettes.

Brodsky, clearly shaken by the violent encounter, said that “she was minding her own business” while walking on Baltimore before the group descended upon her. From there on, it was mayhem. She reported that they “spat on her” while repeatedly calling her “yuppie scum,” simultaneously quoting Chomsky and Foucault. While Brodsky largely emerged from the altercation physically unscathed, the mental scars incurred will last a lifetime.

Despite having no significant medical bills, Brodsky has taken to GoFundMe in what she calls the first step of her “multi-year recovery plan.” As time passes, it seems like Penn’s relationship with the greater West Philadelphia area will become increasingly tumultuous.