Girl Wants to Wish Her Stunning Best Friend a Happy Fucking Birthday

Jenna Rubinson (C ‘21) celebrated her 21st birthday this past Saturday. The day was filled with warm wishes by all her friends, peers, and nebulous ex-lovers. All felicitations, however, paled in comparison to that of her best friend, Ariana Goldman (C ‘21). The pair met freshman year in their PSYCH 001 recitation. “We both came in late with the same Starbucks order,” Rubinson said. “It was fate.”

To commemorate Rubinson’s special day, Goldman posted the following message, spread across a 125 installment Instagram story: “To the best person I know. To the person I would die for. To the girl who knows how to have a good time like no one else. To the girl who can deepthroat a candelabra. Happy. Fucking. Birthday. Jenna. You are the reason I wake up in the morning. You are a dirty slut and also a dirty whore. I cannot believe how lucky I am. You have changed me forever. Remember the day we first met? When I fell down the stairs and broke my leg and you let me hit your juul on the way to the hospital? That was the best day of my life. You’re 21 today. Let’s fucking drink, bitch.” 

When asked for a comment, Goldman had a few more words to share on her best friend. “Jenna. I can’t think of a better person to share my life with. I am so glad we found each other. I can’t think of someone more stunning. You are so hot I can’t even. I think I’m going to cry. Oh my god. I’m crying now. Jenna you filthy tramp I fucking love you. Go fuck yourself, holy shit. I fucking love you. I literally fucking love you.” 

Happy birthday Jenna.