'My Time at Penn Was Transformative,' Says Alumnus Who Acquired a Cocaine Problem While Here

Homecoming weekend brought back to this fine university alumni from all walks and corners of life. From Wall Street to the Upper East Side and to the black Escalade which shuttled them to and fro, Ivy-League graduates from a time before the present returned to their alma mater to get fucked up and reflect upon their life-altering times here. 

Dennis L. Rodman (W ’87) spoke with Under the Button about his experience as an undergraduate at the Wharton School of Business: 

“For sure this place changed my life…set me up for Goldman real good, haha,” he said with the broken grin of a Capitalist. “And for rehab,” he added as his eye twitched in involuntary accompaniment. 

With a sniffle and sudden jolt of energy, he expressed admiration for his alma mater: “I LOVE PENN!!!!!!!!! HOORAH FOR THE REDNESS AND BLUES!!!!!”