Meet the Under the Button Writer Born in Late 2013

Sydney Gelman sits on a mint green loveseat in her above-ground bunker apartment. Sipping on a Diet Coke, she looks around the apartment with disdain and calls it a “windowless asylum.” Gelman, a writer for Under the Button dot com, has the dubious distinction of being the youngest on staff. She was born in late 2013, so she just recently celebrated her sixth birthday. I recently sat down with Gelman for some insight into how she does it all. 

CC: Tell me about your morning routine.

SG: I drink some coffee, take it into the bathroom. There’s something about having a glass of iced coffee on your bathroom shelf that is transcendent. 

CC: You have a very distinct sense of style.

SG: Each morning I put on no fewer than six patterns. I need a necklace with an inanimate object. My repertoire includes cats, baskets, butterflies, teacups, teapots. Write that down.

CC: I’m recording this. What stores do you like to shop from?

SG: Exclusively Abercrombie and Fitch kids’ section. It’s hard to find life-size American Girl outfits; sometimes I have to wear what they make for the dolls. 

CC: Tell me about your relationship with Taylor Swift.

SG: It’s a big part of my life. And hers, I’d imagine. We have a special bond. I’ve cried in the same room as her, lots of times.

CC: Like, at her concerts?

SG: Yeah. It was a big room.

CC: What about your relationship with your mom?

SG: It’s blatantly Oedipal. My therapist gave me a book called Codependent No More. I never read it.

CC: Where did you grow up?

SG: I was born in Johannesburg, but I grew up in Atlanta. Both places are racist.

CC: How tall are you?

SG: This has to be off the record. I’m four foot eleven.

CC: How do you feel about the PB Teen catalogue?

SG: It taught me suffering.

CC: If you had to get a face tattoo, what would it be?

SG: Taylor Swift’s face, life size.

CC: If you were transformed into a horse, how would you communicate to your loved ones that it was you?

SG: Imagine a Shetland pony on your porch. It’s me, duh.

CC: Is there anything else readers should know about you? 

SG: Most of my thoughts center around Japanese stationery.