There’s No Need To Lock Up The Lab’s Drugs, Says Guy Who’s Definitely Not Stealing The Lab’s Drugs

Look, there’s no need to lock up the lab’s drugs. Sure, we’re dealing with highly concentrated cocaine that we inject into rats to observe how it impacts their brains, but why would we need to keep that stuff locked up? What’s gonna happen, the coked up rats are gonna break out of their cages, open the cabinet, grab the highly concentrated cocaine, and have a goddamn party? This isn’t Ratatouille people, rats can’t just act in cooperation to run an entire freaking restaurant.

Seriously, that movie is not based on real life. Sure, we’re not totally sure what the impact of the cocaine is gonna be on the rats, but it’s pretty unlikely that they’re gonna spontaneously gain the ability to conduct an orchestrated, planned out effort to steal the drugs from the next room and all get really high.

Honestly, I don’t think the rats would even know how to do the drugs without us. It’s not like we researchers are teaching the rats how to snort some hot white powder down the line of a crisp Benny Franklin - we have to inject the rats with the cocaine to observe the impacts on their brains.

I mean, if we’re really gonna carry this fantasy to its furthest extent, who’s to say that locking the drugs up would even stop the rats from getting to it? If these rodents are able to break out of their cages, sniff out the drugs, open the cabinet, and get the cocaine out of the sealed glass containers, who are we to say that putting a padlock on the cabinet that only my boss has the key to would stop them?

And really, most importantly, beyond keeping the drugs unlocked, we should definitely not be keeping track of the quantity of drugs we have. I mean, if the rats were to miraculously get into that sweet cocaine stash, surely they wouldn’t be clever enough to cover their tracks. So there’s really no need to have any record of the quantity of cocaine we have left, how much we’ve used, or how quickly we should realistically run out - that would just be a waste of everyone’s time. And again, we should definitely keep the coke cabinet unlocked. It’s just logical.