What a Dork! This Freshman’s Cover Photo Isn’t Even Promoting Anything

Lame-o kablame-o alert. This freshman’s cover photo isn’t even promoting anything.

When I look at a stranger’s cover photo, I can tell if they have friends or not. If they’re promoting their club or frat’s latest event, it is clear that they have a social life and that they matter. However, if I see a photo of them with their friends, all I can think is “wow, what a loser."

It’s not high school anymore. I don’t have time to look at all five dudes in your cover photo and determine if they’re cool and by proxy that you are cool too. I want to see a single logo or set of Greek letters that lets me know immediately whether you’re worthy of my precious time.

Oh Freshman, do you have nothing to sell to me? No event to market? No philanthropic pyramid scheme to fool me with? You must, therefore, have no life. And for that, I’m sorry.

How do I even know those people in your cover photo are your friends? They could be actors for all I know. If I see a name like ZBT or SDT, I know that you have friends. So many. Dozens. But when I see some dude named Benny in his ill-fitting prom outfit with four of his good friends, all I can think is “wow this kid has no friends”.