OP-ED: Forget Princeton, Gimme a Duck Fartmouth Shirt

You know when you were 5 and you showed your parents a pretty drawing you made? And they said, “wow that’s so great, but could it be better?” That’s how I feel about those Puck Frinceton shirts we get every couple of years. 

I get it, we’re doing the best we can with what we’re given. But Princeton itself is only so funny of a name to begin with. If we really want to be known as the Ivy League school with the greatest novelty one-time use t-shirt, it’s time to innovate. Isn’t that what Penn is known for anyway?

Why was our rival selected without the letter swapping motif in mind in the first place? 

Buck Frown? Not for me. Yuck Fale? Not feeling it either. Let’s head to the Ivy League where the grass is greener, and the trees are greener, and well grass and trees are pretty much all they’ve got.  

That’s right, I will not rest until the Daily Pennsylvanian proudly offers apparel for sale with the battle cry “Duck Fartmouth” printed across the front. 

Football games don’t have enough attendance? New shirts can help that. Need something to wear to meet your girlfriend’s family for the first time? New shirts have got you too. 

Think about what would happen if Dartmouth were our true rivals instead of those harmless cuddly tigers. A fighting peace-loving Quaker vs Keggy the Keg. Though Dartmouth better watch out… Keggy may want to pregame here with us instead.