Going Abroad Party So Indulgent Student Not Allowed to Return

With just two weeks left before the end of the term, Juniors across Penn are getting ready to pack up their things and head to the great and wild ‘abroad.’ To commemorate the occasion, students will host their standard goodbye get togethers to say ‘cheerio’ to their friends and lovers. 

However, a new school policy may make students think twice about their self-indulgent little bashes. As of this December, if a going away party is too extravagant, students will not be allowed to return to campus after their time abroad.

“It was a tough decision to make,” said one administrator. “The rationale however is strong. You can’t have that big of a party and only leave for a bit. It’s too much. You can have a goodbye get together, sure. A, ‘see you in six months’ kind of deal. But throw a full-blown party? You have to be prepared to fully remove yourself from society forever. That’s the rule.”

One Penn student is already regretting the enormous party he’s throwing for himself. Evan Du (W ‘21) invited every single person he’s ever spoken with to his “I’m going to England” party, before realizing he would never be allowed back to Penn. 

After finding out the news, Du attempted to back track by canceling the party. The Facebook invite was so decadent however, that it was enough to get him banned from Penn for good. 

“No, nobody should receive that much attention for going to school in London,” said one school administrator. “Maybe if he was going to a war-torn nation where his life was on the line, but UCL? No. That’s unacceptable.”

Jammie Cheng (N ‘21) had mixed feelings about Du leaving forever and never coming back. “It’s complicated,” she said outside of Van Pelt. “I’ll miss him, but like, if all these people are really going to go all out in celebrating their shared memories with Evan, he better never come back. I don’t know where he’s going to go but like, we’ve done a permanent type of goodbye here. That can’t be undone.”