'I'm Done With Finals Already' Reports Annoying-Ass Bitch

Finals are finally in full swing at the University of Pennsylvania. Most students bond over the shared experience of hating everything for two straight weeks. However, in a breaking new report, it has been uncovered that one annoying, stupid, bitch-ass friend is "actually completely done with finals already." 

"We are all so happy for him!" said absolutely no one. "I'm so glad to have him home so soon," said his grandma. "Just after he wakes up from his 14-day trip to the Florida Keys with his frat brothers. They are such nice boys."

"You know," said one of Stupid's TA's, "he's actually not done with finals yet. He still has a final paper due on Friday." "Oh no... how awful..." said no one, again. "Don't worry," replied the TA. "Just because he thought it was a good idea to proclaim to the world that he was done with finals, I think I'll let him find out that he's not done on his own."