Junior Waits an Hour for P Sweater, Realizes She Only Knows Two Members of Her Class

Eliana Glax (W ’21) always considered herself to be pretty popular. A solid group of friends, a great set of clubs that she’s involved in, and at least four nights at Smokes in the past three years. 

Yet Glax was in for a rude awakening this fateful Sunday from 4-6 p.m. when she was confronted with the entire junior class in the cramped, overpriced marketplace of Houston Hall. Lucky for everyone, two measly hours is more than enough time to find and categorize sweaters for over 2000 individuals. Efficiently processing at least 16 people a minute, the line waiting experience was a breeze. 

Yet despite the absolutely flawless distribution technique, Glax felt odd. She didn’t recognize anyone in front of her in line. And when she turned around, no such luck either. The only people she could point out from the crowd were her best friend Nicole, and Jeff from her writing sem class freshman year. 

When questioned for comment, Glax replied, “I just wanted to yell, in the words of the great Patrick Star, ‘Who are you people?'”