OP-ED: We Need to Talk About the Chandelier in Allegro’s

I know there are a lot of things going on right now in the world, but can we please, as a community, spare a brief moment to discuss the presence of an ornate chandelier in the vestibule of Allegro’s? 

Frank discussion is the first step toward genuine understanding, and I know that we are collectively baffled by the choice of light fixture in the glass-enclosed lobby of the local pizza joint. If you haven’t noticed the chandelier, perhaps you’ve only ever entered Allegro’s intoxicated. If that’s the case, next time you’re on this side of campus, make your way to 40th and Spruce and tell me you’re not equally bewildered.

We all have our theories about the origins of the chandelier. No one can definitively say who is correct—such is the nature of life. Perhaps the Swarovski family accrued major debts to Allegro’s and could only settle them with a generous gift of a crystal light fixture? Did an eccentric interior designer conclude that the best complement to the beige neoclassical-style walls of the lobby would be an oversized ornamental chandelier? And the most pressing question of all: is it all a cryptic tribute to Sia’s 2014 smash hit “Chandelier”? 

We may never know the answers to these questions. And that’s okay. But it is crucial that as a community—as an institution of higher learning—we interrogate the cultural enigma that is the Allegro’s chandelier.