How to Descend the Huntsman Staircase Like a Goddamn Debutante

Look at you entering polite society! You might be dressed in sweats and sporting unwashed hair, but as you descend the staircase into the forum of Huntsman Hall, you, too, can partake in antiquated patriarchal rites of passage.

With the grace of a true southern belle, you float down the stairs. Who needs a white gown and gloves? It’s almost like you went to finishing school. (Uh, more like finishing this group project in the GSR you reserved! #relatable, am I right?)

It’s like that episode of Gilmore Girls (season 2, episode 6: “Presenting Lorelai Gilmore”) where Rory agrees to participate in the debutante ball to appease her grandmother, Emily. (Emily is personally my favorite character—I think she really grows on you, and when you think about things from her point of view and the type of pressure she’s under, her occasional bouts of hostility can really be put into context. She just cares about her family!) So anyway, that’s you, right now! You’re Rory Gilmore! Except you go to Penn, not Yale. Duh!

As your hand glides ever so sensually along the Huntsman staircase railing, you can practically hear your name being announced, the applause, the oohs and ahs. When you reach the bottom, you do a curtsy and look out into the distance. Maybe no one else notices that you’ve suddenly become eligible for marriage into elite society, but that’s their loss.