Jared Withdrawing From Society to “Focus on His Music”

This coming Tuesday, College junior Jared Sampson will officially withdraw from society to focus on his music. Sampson issued a formal statement to alert his friends, family, and classmates of his new life course:

“To all those near and dear to me, I regret to inform you that I will no longer be engaging with you physically, socially, or emotionally. From this day forward, I plan to eat, sleep, and breathe music — my music. That I am making. I am making music,” Sampson wrote in a recent Instagram post.

“I will not ask how you are. I do not care how you are doing. I am a very serious musician with no time for games. Time is money, and I spent all my money on this fancy synthesizer doo-dad that I’m still trying to figure out how to turn on,” he continued.

“I am grateful for the time we shared. It will be helpful in my creative process, I’m sure. I can’t think of any other real value. Maybe we will meet again someday when I run out of ideas or money. Until then, please check out my new song on Spotify, Apple Music, or Bandcamp,” he finished.

Friends of Sampson were disappointed, but unsurprised. “He’ll be happier this way,” said Wharton junior Nick Marcus. “The beast of man cannot be tamed.”