Perry World House to Get Even Bigger TV

In a much-anticipated announcement, Amy Gutmann told students this Friday that the school is planning to put an even bigger television in Perry World House.

Students on campus have long felt that the television in Perry World House was too small. Ruby Cheung, a sophomore in the college, told Under the Button reporters that the television was so small it made her embarrassed to be a Quaker.

“We say we are a historic academic institution, and then our TV is what? Only a quarter of the wall big? How do you think that makes Jeb Bush feel when he shows up to speak?” she said as she walked into the building, past a security guard, illegally underpaid by the university.

In Gutmann’s announcement, she explained why this television would help Penn students deepen their passion for international politics and civic engagement.

“We felt like this was a really important step in building productive policy discussions on this campus,” she said. “You know what they say, you can’t teach students to be global, empathetic, and thoughtful citizens without the biggest TV. We’ve seen that with our new political science building, and we’ll see it again here. We’ve done something amazing here today.”