Wow, This Sophomore Got Altitude Sickness From His Elevated Self-Worth

Welp, you got yourself in a pickle now, didn’t you, Brandon? Ya done fucked up! Ever since Brandon Harvin (C ‘22) started having trouble sleeping, feeling dizzy, experiencing shortness of breath, and feeling nauseous, he knew something was wrong. After a series of tests, the doctors finally figured out the problem.

Dr. Jameson agreed to speak with us about Brandon’s health on the condition that neither his nor Brandon’s name would be used. “Is (name removed) kind of an alcoholic who’s aggressively overtired? Yes. Does he have the flu? Almost definitely. Has he contracted some sexually transmitted diseases? God yes. But none of those are the reason for his symptoms. (Name removed) is actually experiencing the symptoms from his altitude sickness.”

The doctor continued to explain that despite not having been anywhere with very high or low altitude recently, Brandon’s elevated sense of self-worth had actually given him altitude sickness. “It’s unlike anything we’ve ever seen before,” Doctor Jameson continued. “We’re all very excited about the research that’s taking place here. It’s a pretty amazing time.”