OP-ED: I Don’t Follow Politics but Andrew Yang Could Venmo Me $1000

I really could not care less about politics. The court intrigue that so seamlessly describes the banal corruption at the heart of our nation’s body politic is simply too bourgeois and meaningless for my enlightened mind. But hey, that Andrew Yang guy seems pretty cool! Who wouldn’t want a $1000 monthly stipend, leaving our very livelihoods dependent on the whims of a rapacious, self-absorbed state? In fact, if he truly believes in his platform, I challenge Yang to immediately Venmo me $1000.

Too many politicians today make promises that they have no intention of keeping once elected. For many, that just seems to be a feature of American politics to which they have quietly acquiesced. Not I! I believe that holding politicians accountable and speaking truth to power should not be a mere fantasy. Hence, I call on Yang to live up to his proposal of a Universal Basic Income and send me, an Ivy League student from a fairly well-off background, $1000.

Mr. Yang, my Venmo is @ScottNwm22 and I am eagerly awaiting your payment. Perhaps then you can secure the lucrative endorsement of a cultural powerbroker at one of the country’s premier universities. The day I stumble upon $1000 in my Venmo balance is the day I decide to wholly commit myself to making Andrew Yang the President of these United States.