Chunky Filas and Four Other Shoes That Say “My Parents Did Not Show Me Enough Affection”

Fads may come and go in the fast-moving world of fashion, but the deeply internalized traumas that your style showcase remain the same. Despite our better efforts to overcome these childhood events, we are often our own worst enemies on the road to self-fulfillment. Sometimes, these self-destructive tendencies are brought into sharp relief by choice in footwear.

Having performed extensive research into the psychoanalytic world of fashion and social performance, Chunky Filas easily distinguish themselves from a menagerie of other footwear. Despite their laughable attempt at publicizing the wearer’s supposed edginess, the fact that someone would be drawn to such a performative shoe in the first place is evidence enough of the parental indifference that defined their childhood. 

Worried about the psychic implications of your style? Well, you should be! Here are four other shoes to avoid if you want to keep your inner fragility discreet. 

1. Eco-friendly clogs made out of the recycled paper of your trashed first-grade drawings. 
2. Fur slippers assembled from the insides of your stuffed animals they always wanted you to get rid of. 
3. The running shoes gifted to you in 10th grade because they wanted you to “just try and get in shape a little.”
4. The cleats for the sport that your increasingly distant father always wished you had “stuck with.”