Exposé: 34th Street Offices Actually on 40th

In a series of events that some are already clumsily referring to as "34th-Street-Gate," the offices of popular gossip rag 34th Street Magazine have been revealed to not be located on 34th Street at all, but rather all the way over on 40th Street.

"By my estimates, that's 6 streets," said one disgruntled Penn student who asked not to be identified. "I mean, maybe if they'd said they were '38th Street' it wouldn't be so bad. But to call yourself '34th Street' and be over on 40th? It's just disingenuous."

To call this "no big deal," as some 34th Street staffers have been so quick to do, is, in the opinion of this humble journalist, akin to calling Everest a "small hill." I do not think that it would be exaggerating to label this the greatest scandal in the history of the University of Pennsylvania. My personal faith in our media institutions has been shaken—what's next, The Statesman not actually having any of the respectability or basic moral decency that such a title invokes? Absolutely unthinkable.