Conspiracy: Amy Gutmann Has Been Replaced by a Lookalike, No One Notices

Okay, I don’t know if everyone around here is completely blind or maybe just not paying attention, but I personally have not seen Amy Gutmann around campus very much recently. I mean, to be honest, I can’t remember the last time I saw her on campus. I walk by her house every day going to and from class, and also to and from all the social events I attend (due to how many friends I have). And I have not seen President Gutmann for as long as I can remember. One time I thought I saw her, but it was just a very lifelike looking tree with yellow leaves. And that was in the fall. I haven’t caught a glimpse of her since! Which is why I’ve gotta pretty suspicious about what’s really going on here.

Could we believe that Amy is very busy fundraising and saying the word “interdisciplinary” over and over in New York? Yeah, we could. But that’s just a little too convenient. Doesn’t that seem like exactly the kind of thing they’d want us to think? Yeah, that’s what I thought. So I looked back at the photos the Daily Pennsylvanian even has of Amy. I got to thinking, how do we know any of those photos are actually of the elusive Amy?

I did some searching, on the internet and of the soul variety. I found some suspicious photos of white blonde ladies talking, and I came to a frightening conclusion. Is it possible that Amy has been played by other white blonde women for the entirety of her affiliation with the university? Are we sure that "Amy” “Gutmann” ever actually existed?

Look, go through the evidence yourself. Make your own decision. But remember that everything isn’t always what it seems.