No, Throwing a Coin Into the Hill Fountain Will Not Get You Into New College House

Every day for the past two years, Engineering sophomore Mander Phenn has thrown a coin into the fountain at the Hill dining hall.

Almost religiously, after every meal, he stands at the fountain solemnly for a moment, willing his wish of living in NCH into the coin in his hands. He then tosses the coin into the fountain. 

“Since freshman year, I’ve been throwing all types of coins in there,” said Phenn. “Pennies, dimes, nickels, half-dollars, dollar coins, bitcoins — but nothing has worked. Sometimes when I’m bored, I just toss a coin in from the atrium. I put my wish on the coin, and then yell "KOBE" and yeet it into the fountain. I yell "Kobe" to conceal the fact that I’m making a wish. So people don’t make fun of me.”

Despite his elaborate efforts freshman year, Phenn currently lives in the high-rises. As a result, Phenn intentionally purchased a meal plan for sophomore year so that he could have access to the fountain. Also, in desperation, Phenn has resorted to sacrificing anything circular with value, in attempt to please the fountain to grant him his wish. 

“In addition to coins, I’ve thrown frisbees, gold rings, metal washers, condoms, and a jet engine fan disk. I’ve even thrown a cookie. Maybe the fountain likes cookies. It seems like it does, since it consumes the cookie pretty quickly.”

Recently, Phenn has found out from his housing application that all rooms in NCH are taken.

“I’m not going to lose hope,” said Phenn. “Even though I’ll be in the high-rises again for junior year, I’ll throw even more valuables into the fountain to ensure my wish comes true. I’ll start with a full set of china, and then maybe to disks of rubidium.”