REPORT: Many Horses Are Being Tranquilized on Penn's Campus

A joint study done by the University of Pennsylvania Veterinary School and the Perelman School of Medicine concludes that many horses are being tranquilized on the Philadelphia college campus. 

"We have spent months tracking substance residue on typical campus properties and have found absurdly large traces of horse tranquilizer. In fact, such high residue levels were discovered that the only reasonable conclusion from this data is the presence of a large horse population on campus and an intent to tranquilize," Ginna M. Gottsdam of Penn Vet told UTB. 

"We have yet to locate the horse population or reason for its presence and tranquilization, but we are determined to find answers," she adds.

Upon reading such news, brothers of the Mu Alpha Omega fraternity have released the following statement: "LOL."