New Study Reveals Europeans Immune From Lung Cancer

Outside of Van Pelt, Huntsman, you name it, they’ve been smoking there! There’s nothing quite like being hit with the smell of a freshly lit cigarette as you exit the library fresh from an all-nighter, probably being smoked by someone speaking a language you don’t understand. It could be French, it could be Spanish, who knows! You wonder to yourself, “don’t they know that smoking all of those cigarettes is bad for them?” 

Fair question! Researchers here at Penn took a crack at trying to see if those damned Europeans know something we don’t and stumbled upon a startling conclusion in the process. Individuals that were born in Europe are completely invulnerable to the health risks posed by regular smoking, chief among which is lung cancer. Crazy, right? 

Scientists are now rushing to ascertain the workings of the biological mechanism that defends Europeans from various smoking-related illnesses. Several theories have been put forth, including the sheer power of a superiority complex continuing to keep one’s body working despite lacking a working pair of lungs. 

Nonetheless, researchers advise that it is still best practice to avoid smoking even if you were born in Europe as the ashes may get your new Alexander McQueen shoes dirty.