Perry World House to Invite Non-white War Criminals for Once

Another leap forward for diversity! In an attempt to respond to students’ demands for equality, Perry World House announced its new initiative to invite war criminals of all colors to come speak and defend their infringement on human rights.

“I think it's a win,” said local Wharton student Jackson R. Ethnonationalist. “Henry Kissinger and Bush were pretty good, but I think it’s about time Penn reflects its diverse student body in its speakers. I can’t wait for Joseph Kony to take the debate stage!” Similarly white Wharton student Tiffany Lippincott agreed, but Penn Republicans have shown some reservations.

“War crimes are for whites only,” a representative said. “You’re taking away one of the fundamental aspects of our identity. Frankly, it’s racist. It’s cultural appropriation. Woke culture has gone too far.”

The United Minorities Council, in contrast, responded with approval of Perry World House’s decision, “For hundreds of years, we have fought for basic human equality. We are not gonna give up!”