OP-ED: If You See Me Walking Into Center City, Don't Stop Me, I'm Never Coming Back

It’s almost spring break, fellow boys, but most of us are still entangled with midterm shit and by most of us, I mean me, and only me. Given that I am entirely alone in all of my issues as always, it’s no shock that everyone keeps being all happy-go-lucky and asking where I’m gonna spend my spring break. Well, first of all, it’s none of your business. Second, fuck you.

I think what I need most is a break right at this very moment, but there’s not a lot to do in University City. For that reason, I will be walking to Center City this weekend, and none of you better try to fucking stop me.

Of course, as a sheltered little lad, I’ve never been further east than Van Pelt library, but I assume it’s pretty nice over there. I also haven’t been farther west than the Harrison tower (sorry Rodin hotties) but that’s beside the point. Something tells me I should probably also just stay in Center City forever. My sad social life and failing grades absolutely have nothing to do with this.