Alone on Valentine’s Day? Here Are Five Things to Do Instead of Going on a Romantic Date With the Love of Your Life

So you don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day? That’s fine! You’re strong and independent! Because you are totally okay without a date. It’s not like having a significant other on Valentine’s Day directly correlates with your self-worth. You’re happy alone! The streams of liquid involuntarily running down your face every time you walk past the heart-shaped chocolates at CVS are perfectly normal. Right. If you’re reading this, there’s a pretty good chance that this isn’t exactly your first alone-on-valentine’s-day rodeo. But regardless of whether this is your 1st lonely Valentine’s Day or your 78th, the UTB Staff is here to provide you with some quality suggestions of what to do when you’re spending Valentine’s Day alone.

1. Get a head start on your weekend homework

Nothings screams loner like doing your homework on a Friday night. Imagine all the movie-watching, popcorn-sharing, dinner-for-two partaking couples out there then push that all aside and settle in with something even sexier: your CIS 110 homework.

2. Sit through the movie Cats while completely sober

What a great option! Sit through the cheated-at-the-Oscars 2019 film, Cats, without the aid of drugs or alcohol. By the time it’s over (if you make it that long) you’ll be too traumatized to think about your empty heart. 

3. Snort crushed up candy hearts

Every former second grader remembers those chalk-flavored candy hearts with cute little sayings like “be mine” and “ur cute” from the dollar section of the nearest drug store. Go out and get some for yourself. This method is highly recommended because you can blow off some steam by smashing the hearts then cap off the night by giving yourself a headache and a runny nose by snorting the dust! 

4. Lurk at the nearest romantic venue 

This option is a great one, although it can be overwhelming for some lonely Valentine’s Day beginners. Simply slowly walk back and forth in front of the glass window of some restaurant filled with happy couples like one of the great cats in the Cincinnati zoo. Don’t feel bad about looking longingly at people trying to enjoy a nice meal. Most importantly, remember: you have a right to be there - it’s not like this day is all about them.

5. Rip out your eyebrows one hair at a time

You’ve heard about plucking flower petals to find out if they love you or not, this method takes that familiar concept and puts a more inclusive twist on it. Maybe nobody gave you flowers to pluck, but you definitely have eyebrows. Carefully, pluck each hair one by one saying “she loves me, she loves me not” until you have none left! The best thing about this method is that with proper hygiene and self-care, you will have your eyebrows back for next Valentine’s Day so you can do it all over again!