BREAKING: Amy Gutmann to AirDrop Diplomas to Graduating Seniors

While there will be an on-campus Commencement Ceremony when conditions are safe, after four years of hard work, some seniors are itching to get their hands on their diplomas ASAP. Catering to students’ demands, Amy Gutmann has announced that she will personally be AirDropping diplomas to the class of 2020. 

With rightful concern about spreading the coronavirus, a sincere handshake is a little too much personal contact. AirDrop is a much safer way to share the accomplishments of our graduating class without sharing germs. 

Graduating senior, Andre Jones, claimed, “I was excited to graduate, but after hearing that Amy Gutmann would send me a personal AirDrop with my diploma, I was ecstatic! I mean, getting an AirDrop from Amy Gutmann? Talk about a day to remember!”

Senior, April Carter, seconded Jones’ sentiments: “I am almost glad the coronavirus happened. Like I know it’s bad and stuff, but like, in every storm there’s a silver lining or something, and if that silver lining is a personal AirDrop from Amy Gutmann, that’s a pretty good silver lining!”

We checked in with our president to see how she was preparing for the new task. “We live in a digital age, and this is just one of the many things technology can help us accomplish,” commented Gutmann. “I’ve been lifting finger weights and sticking to a strict diet to prepare for the big day. My greatest nightmare would be having my fingers cramp halfway through the distribution.” With such preparation, it’s clear the event will be a smashing success.

Provost Wendell Pritchett will be sending out another email to the Penn community shortly reminding all students to wash their hands and all graduating seniors to ensure that AirDrop is enabled so that diplomas can be distributed as efficiently as possible.