Students Denied From Frat-Sponsored Zoom Party

No parties. No events.

Ha! Little does Wendell Pritchett know the great lengths the frat brothers at the University of Pennsylvania will go to have a good time. In a glorious comeback, after a solid week of social distancing, the brothers of Delta Upsilon Mu put together the most spectacular banger students have ever seen — all from the safety of their suburban homes over Zoom.

Separate breakout rooms were created for partiers to drunkenly pop in and out of. At the bar room, students all poured their own shots at home, thankful to be drinking mom and dad’s fancier liquor supplies than the lighter fluid typically served by the brothers.

By midnight, the party was at maximum capacity and the poor west coast students, whose nights were just starting, were locked out from joining in the call. 

“Okay, so clearly there were less than the max 500 people," said Danny Caufman (C '23). "I had a friend in the party who kept texting me that people were dropping the call but this frat dude just kept texting me to ‘take a lap around the room’ and ‘take two steps back from my screen.' I literally took ten laps around my house and he still wouldn’t budge. And my house is big,” reported the disgruntled freshman. “It’s literally like I never even left campus. At one point he even emailed me an emoji middle finger.”