Seniors Return as Senior Citizens to Be Honored With Commencement Ceremony

President Amy Gutmann has just announced that there will be an in-person Commencement Ceremony for the class of 2020 “when it is safe and feasible to do so.” Ecstatic about the news, seniors are eagerly marking their calendars for May of 2075.

Senior, Mark Juniors, commented, “I’m so glad that Penn decided to honor us with an in-person Commencement Ceremony. I imagine that at least some of the student body will have passed on by then, so the ceremony will be shorter, which is also a plus.” 

Member of the class of 2020, Sierra Ruiz, reported “I have already begun reserving seats for my grandchildren! I just know I will have four of them. Two girls and two boys. Anyway, I’ve got their seats all lined up towards the front. It will be a very exciting day!”

Student, Rachel Mathews, announced that she would be changing her name to Gladys in anticipation of the event. “If I’m going to be hobbling across a stage for some piece of paper, I want my diploma to represent who I am at the time I receive it. By 2075, the name, Rachel, won’t fit right anymore, I’ll be a new and improved Gladys,” Mathews claims. 

Amy Gutmann has assured the student body that Commencement will be fully wheelchair accessible and that all members of the graduating class will be provided with a free Penn hearing aid along with their diploma.

The Penn student body is thrilled with this exciting news, and we here at UTB want to give a special congratulations to the senior class. So, please save the date! We hope to see you for the class of 2020 Commencement Ceremony at the Amy Gutmann field house on May 17th, 2075!