OP-ED: I Have a Small Cock so I Need a Big Glock

Sometimes I come across as rude and obnoxious. In fact, people have told me that I am nothing short of a dick, well, actually, that’s the issue. Everyone thinks my arrogant persona indicates that I’m compensating for something, and they’re right. But that is exactly why Penn needs to allow concealed carry on campus. 

Nature hasn’t blessed me with a large member, so I need a different way to assert my dominance over my fellow man. Concealed carry will give me the opportunity to have a different kind of hidden friend. I won’t come up short in the next dick-measuring contest when all the boys get out their cocks and I get out my big, hard, massive Glock. 

Penn is always thinking of its big endowment but needs to remember the little people too. Concealed carry levels the playing field for us, little fellas. The Second Amendment grants me the right to bear arms, so Penn shouldn’t take away my right to bear a large Glock.