Voters Should Be Wary of Bernie Sanders: His Name Is an Anagram for 'Nabs Reindeers'

We are fast approaching a pivotal point in American history. Soon, voters will decide whether they wish to maintain the (good, cool) status quo with a centrist candidate like former Vice President Joe Biden, or turn to accursèd socialism with anyone to the left of Joe Biden. 

The most popular leftist candidate currently is, of course, Bernie Sanders. Many arguments have been made against Senator Sanders: he cares about the interests of the American working class, etc. But there's one very compelling argument that voters have not yet considered: Bernie's name can be rearranged to spell "Nabs Reindeers." 

In a typical election cycle this would be enough to condemn any candidate. However, we live in atypical times. Many of our readers are likely too young to remember Al Gore's 2000 presidential campaign being tanked by the reveal that his name could be rearranged to spell "A Ogler." Voters were quick to show that they did not want oglers in the White House, as common sense would predict. So why is Bernie "Nabs Reindeers" Sanders getting away with it?

We cannot let this injustice go unanswered. Readers, I beg of you, do not elect a reindeer thief for president. This country has withstood enough.