Op-Ed: I Don’t Need to Know What a Flat White Is to Order It Exclusively

I love a good flat white. I love that it’s foamy and tastes kind of like a cappuccino, and I love that it… has milk in it? Right? 

Listen, I know there’s coffee in it. I know that there’s something else because it’s not just regular coffee. I don’t know how it’s different from a cappuccino or why it seems to cost more. Do I need to know these things to order it everywhere I go? No!

People have tried to explain it to me before, but as soon as they start talking about “steam” and “foam” I lose interest. What am I, a nerd? I just like how “flat white” sounds.

It’s “flat” so it’s… not carbonated? That sounds right. And it’s also “white,” I guess? Except it’s usually like a light brown. “Flat brown” doesn’t sound great though, so I understand why they went with “white.”

I think flat whites are Australian somehow? I feel like my mom told me that at some point. Does my mom know what a flat white is? Maybe I should ask her.